12 ways to help your child overcome sadness

Sadness is a normal, healthy way to respond to a negative situation, difficult family or social environments, or a stressful life event.

However, some people struggle to overcome this emotion and deal with their sadness in an unhealthy way — allowing it to take over their lives for an excessive amount of time or to an extreme degree.

This is especially true with children. Any sad event, whether big or small, can affect a child very deeply as they are not yet experienced or mature enough to deal with issues that even adults struggle with.

Anything can trigger sadness. The loss of a pet or loved one, moving to a new home, not making the sports team, not being invited to a birthday party — even something as small as having a bad meal.

Some children manage to deal with these feelings and overcome them with a little time and care. Others, however, find it very difficult to move beyond their feelings of sadness and express them in inappropriate ways.

'Appropriate sadness' is tough to define, but it’s easy to recognise when an episode of sadness becomes inappropriate. You know your child best and will know if she is not acting like herself.

There is no fix-all formula, but the advice below can help provide her (and you, as a parent) with ways to overcome her sadness.

1. Know that she’ll have support, but it is her problem to overcome

She is not alone in her feelings and she is not a hopeless case. That being said, she is responsible for making herself feel better. She can, and will, have your support, but ultimately she is the only person who can do anything to change her mood and lift her sadness.

2. Talk to someone about her sadness

Even the most capable kids need support. No matter what, your daughter should talk to someone she trusts. It’s very important for her to accept and share her feelings, as this will help her feel less alone.

She needs to know that no matter what she may feel like right now, she has the love and support of a group of people and that talking about her sadness will help to resolve it.

3. Try not to isolate herself

When someone has an unhealthy level of sadness, even getting out of bed can be difficult. But isolating herself only makes the sadness worse. Your daughter should make a real effort to stay social, even if it’s the last thing she wants to do. Being out in the world will help her feel better.

It’s important to maintain friendships, especially with upbeat, active friends who make your child feel good about herself. These friends can:

• Listen and talk with her about her feelings

• Remind her that things can get better and that they are there for her

• Help her see the things that are good about her life

• Keep her company and do enjoyable or relaxing things together

• Offer honest compliments and help her find things to laugh or smile about

4. Keep her body healthy

Healthy lifestyle choices can do wonders for her mood. Getting enough sleep, eating well, and exercising regularly all help to alleviate sadness. Exercise in particular floods the brain with endorphins — natural feel-good chemicals. Even a short walk, dance session, or bike ride can make a big difference.

5. Avoid alcohol and drugs

She may be tempted to use substances to escape her feelings, but it’s important to know that alcohol and drugs only make sadness worse in the long run. They mask the symptoms but don’t solve the root problem — and often lead to even deeper emotional struggles.

6. Ask for help if she’s stressed

Stress and worry can add to feelings of sadness. Encourage your daughter to speak with a teacher or school counsellor if school feels overwhelming. Support at the right time can prevent feelings of sadness from becoming entrenched.

7. Utilise creative self-expression

Art, music, journaling, and writing can be powerful emotional outlets. Expressive activities, along with movement, sunlight, mindfulness and focusing on positive emotions, all affect brain activity in ways that can restore well-being.

8. Teach her to be mindful of her feelings

To prevent a runaway train of sad thoughts, mindfulness exercises are essential. She should notice how she feels and why, name the feeling, and observe it without judgment. Remind her that sadness is a passing state, not her identity — and it will not last forever.

9. Stay positive

It’s hard to stay positive in a low mood, but it matters. Encourage your daughter to think of one or two good things about herself or her life every time she feels a pang of sadness. There’s always something — she just needs to look for it.

10. Put herself in a good mood

Sometimes she’ll need a jumpstart. Help her plan activities that lift her spirits — watching a funny movie, reading a book she loves, playing a game, or calling a good friend. Intentionally choosing joy is a healthy way to respond to sadness.

11. Think of solutions

When a sad feeling is linked to a specific problem, show her how to brainstorm solutions or coping strategies. Problem-solving builds confidence and reduces the helplessness that often fuels sadness.

12. Help her identify coping skills

Coping is a skill that can be learned. Once she understands that it’s not luck or magic, she can take control. Ask her, “What are your coping skills for dealing with sadness?” and see what she says. If she responds, “I go to my room, listen to music, and count to ten,” that’s great. It means she’s building a set of behavioural tools to manage her mood and feel better.

Final Word

This piece was adapted from the Parent Guide in The Power of Affirmation — Captain Calm’s app for dealing with sadness.

Captain Calm is an app that uses the tools and techniques of Cognitive Behavioural Coaching (CBC) to help kids overcome their problems and unleash their full potential.