How to tell if you child is hiding their bullying problem, and how to report it to your school authorities

Unless your child tells you about bullying — or has visible bruises or injuries — it can be difficult to figure out if they are, in fact, the victim of bullies.

Being alert and observant is critical, since victims are often reluctant to report bullying to their parents or teachers for fear of embarrassment or humiliation.

Some reasons your child might be hiding their bullying problem

• They worry that their parents will be disappointed, upset, angry, reactive or urge them to fight back when they’re scared.

• They may assume that adults will not believe them, accuse them of tattling, or will tell them to deal with it themselves.

• Some victims believe there is nothing adults can do to get the bully to stop, and if the bully finds out they told, the bullying will get worse.

• Often the victims feel like it’s their fault — as if they looked or acted differently, it wouldn’t be happening.

Getting a handle on the situation is vital, since children who are bullied are more likely to:

• Do poorly in school

• Have low self-esteem

• Be depressed

• Turn to violent behaviour to protect themselves or get revenge on their bullies

• Experience loneliness and isolation

Stepping In: How to effectively report bullying to the school authorities

Next we’ll look at how you can help your child if they are being bullied.

If you’ve ever had a mean boss or a passive-aggressive in-law, you’ll understand how frightening and anxiety-inducing it is when you’re forced to interact with them.

Your child has the same feelings about returning to school after a bullying incident. They know that eventually, they will cross paths with the bullies — no matter the size of the playground.

Your child’s first response to being bullied may be to avoid school or ask to change schools. But this can disrupt their education and social life. The reality is that every school has bullies — changing schools is like applying an expensive and ineffective band-aid instead of helping your child emotionally heal from what they’ve experienced.

Many bullying situations require adult intervention to resolve fully.

Here are the steps you can take to effectively report the problem and work with the school staff to make school a safer, more comfortable place for your child.

1. Gather information

After talking to your child, write down their account of the situation. Note the dates, times, and names of the kids involved. Try to remain objective and assess the severity of the situation.

If your child needs help stopping the bullying, ask them which school staff members they feel comfortable with. If they don’t know, let them know who you intend to approach.

2. Contact the first line of defence

Reach out to teachers, coaches, or counsellors to inform them of what’s happening and ask for their help. Encourage them to notify other staff so they can also support your child.

3. Develop a game plan

No child should have to face bullying alone. Once the school is involved, collaborate to come up with a strategy.

For example:

• Could the school adjust your child’s seating arrangements?

• Can sympathetic teachers provide extra support?

• Are there safe zones or support spaces your child can access?

4. Change your child’s outlook and routine

Making small but meaningful changes to your child’s school routine can help shift the dynamic and prevent recurring bullying.

Suggestions:

• Encourage focus on the parts of school they enjoy rather than those they fear.

• Enrol them in new after-school clubs or sports to give them a fresh start with new friends.

• Create joyful plans for weekends and holidays to give them something to look forward to.

• Encourage them to talk to other kids who may also be dealing with bullying — shared support can be powerful.

5. Keep track

Keep a running log of any future bullying incidents and the actions taken in response. Share this log with the school to maintain accountability and ensure follow-through.

6. Look out for escalation

If the bullying worsens or physical threats emerge, take it seriously. If you need to speak with the bully’s parents, arrange a meeting mediated by a teacher or school counsellor to ensure a constructive and safe discussion.

7. Contact the principal

If your initial outreach hasn’t resolved the issue, escalate to the principal. Submit a formal written report and request immediate intervention. Principals have the authority to act directly with the bullies and their parents.

8. Take it to the top

If the bullying continues:

• Review your school’s bullying policy or ask to see it.

• Consider collaborating with other parents to establish or improve anti-bullying efforts.

• Research your local community or regional laws regarding bullying and student safety.

• In extreme cases, if your child’s safety is in question, don’t hesitate to contact legal authorities.

These steps are a last resort — but they are important if your child is not being protected effectively.

Final Word

These steps are part of a broader support system. But remember: many kids can also learn effective ways to handle bullying themselves — with the right support and tools.

You can find out more in The Power of Inner Strength — Captain Calm’s guide to dealing with bullying.