The C.A.L.M happiness hack

Here’s something you’ll be familiar with: you’re at home, just minding your own business when all of a sudden a negative thought pops into your head.

Maybe you’ll be at your sink, washing up after a nice meal. The hot water is running, the smell of soap is in the air, your mind begins to wander. You’re rinsing a plate after a particularly vigorous scrub, when all of a sudden, you notice that it has a small chip on its side.

Then your thoughts run out of control:

• This is a disaster! I have to get a new set of plates!

• How much is that going to cost?!

• If only I got that promotion that they gave to stupid Andrew.

• What’s wrong with me?!

• I’m such an idiot.

• My life is going nowhere!

• Etc.

• Etc.

• Etc.

A tiny chip in an old plate can spark off an avalanche of negative thoughts — growing ever more destructive until they take on a life of their own and crush your happiness in their wake. It’s a terrible way to live, yet it is the norm for many of us.

The brain’s emotional and thinking circuits are connected and affect one another. In the above example, your emotional state is ruling your thoughts. But there is good news — it works in reverse too. The trick to changing your negative emotions and behaviours is by making a conscious effort to improve your thoughts.

The Cognitive Behavioural Coaches at Captain Calm have developed a technique that will train you to do just that — it’s called CALM. The technique is simple; we teach the same things to kids. As simple as it is to learn, putting it into practice takes hard work and dedication. However, like anything challenging, it is worthwhile. We’ve seen firsthand how this technique has changed people’s lives and helped them to become a far more positive, rational and happier version of themselves.

So, if the Avalanche is the villain of your mind, then the most effective way to fight it off is by developing a superpower. That’s exactly what CALM is — a mental superpower — one that will give you extraordinary control over your mind, allowing you to break free from the oppression of negative thoughts and unleash your full potential.

Here’s the first step.

C — CATCH yourself

Negative thoughts tumble down from the mysterious mountain that is your subconscious. There’s no stopping them, and you definitely can’t control the thoughts that your subconscious mind presents to you. However, you can learn to become more aware when negative thoughts enter your conscious mind and notice when you’re on the brink of a negative thought avalanche.

Here’s the important part when you’ve realised that — catch yourself and make the choice that you will not be swept up in your thoughts.

Don’t try to stop the avalanche. You can’t. It’s a force of nature. Trying to do so will waste your time and energy. What you need to do is change your perspective about how you interact with the avalanche. Instead of choosing to be outside, battered by the crushing ice and snow, rather be inside your house, where you are safe, warm and merely observing the avalanche through your window. No matter the size or potential damage it can inflict, you’re just calmly observing it, detached from its effects.

This is a practice called meta-cognition or mindfulness. It’s important for you to build up your meta-consciousness muscles so that you can learn to be aware of your negative thoughts and not allow them to go unchecked, take over and make you miserable.

How do you do that? It’s quite simple really: catch yourself — respond, don’t react. Assess your thoughts rationally and know that you have the power to control them.

Breathing

Now that you’ve removed yourself from the heat of the moment (or the cold, to continue the metaphor), you need to help your body and mind to relax.

Breathing plays a vital role in balancing your body and mind. It helps you to calm down and think clearly.

When you’re having negative thoughts that cause fear or anger, your heart races and hormones like adrenaline start to surge through your body. These hormones thrive on oxygen, which is why the breathing speed and heart rate increase in stressful situations.

Adrenaline is very useful when there’s an actual threat, but when there’s only a perceived threat, like the one a negative thought causes, it becomes a problem. The symptoms of panic start to set in — symptoms that impair cognitive function and add to your feelings of stress.

You need to get your adrenaline levels under control, and the best way to do that is by balancing your oxygen and carbon dioxide levels. Oxygen fuels adrenaline. That’s why humans hyperventilate in stressful situations and why people who are having panic attacks breathe into a paper bag — so that they inhale more carbon dioxide to counterbalance the surge of oxygen-fueled adrenaline.

So take a deep breath. Go on, give it a try now. If you can breathe in, hold your breath and exhale for six seconds each, then you’re doing great.

A — ASK yourself how you are feeling

Take a moment to notice how your negative thoughts are making you feel, both emotionally and physically, and know that you can cope with those feelings.

Often, a negative thought will manifest in your body. The most common are clenched fists and jaws, a knot in your stomach, rapid breathing, sweaty palms or a tension headache just behind your eyes.

Notice what you are feeling and what emotion accompanies it — sadness, greed, anger, fear, loneliness, low self-esteem, etc.

By doing this step, you’ll notice that it is your negative thoughts that are making you feel this way, not the situation.

This external perspective helps you to see the feelings as transitory and not overly identify with them. It leads to a greater sense of control — instead of just being led by your negative feelings, you’ll know that you have the ability to change your thoughts to more productive ones.

Which is why the next step is to…

L — LOOK at the negative thought or situation

To change your negative thoughts, you first need to identify exactly what it is that you are thinking. Bring to light what is holding you down by seeing the link between the situation, feelings and thoughts.

When you identify your thoughts, you regain control over them and take their destructive power away. You might find that you’re jumping to irrational conclusions. You may even find that what is making you feel down is not necessarily the thought on the surface, but something more profound.

This step allows you to address your thoughts and pay attention to them. Negative thoughts exist for a reason — they are trying to tell you something. You need to make sure that you respond to them positively and appropriately. Don’t just ignore them or push them aside or you will be neglecting important information that will help you adapt and better your life.

A word of caution — it’s important not to dwell on this step for too long. If you do, you will be allowing yourself to slip back into the path of the avalanche and get caught up in its negativity again. Identify and move onto the next step which is to…

M — MAKE your thoughts better

This is the key step — the one that allows you to change your thoughts and bring about a more rational and positive perspective on your situation.

Most of the time we are excessively mean and hard on ourselves. It’s interesting why we’re never as kind to ourselves as we would be to other people.

Think about it: if your best friend tells you about a problem she is having, would you ever say the terrible things to her that you say to yourself? Definitely not.

Don’t get us wrong. It’s good to be self-motivated and look for ways to improve, but you’re not doing yourself any favours by motivating yourself incorrectly. Give yourself a break. Lighten up. You’re probably taking it way too seriously and blowing it out of proportion.

Don’t treat yourself like the enemy. Instead think what you would say to motivate, support, encourage and reassure a friend. Now say the same things to yourself, and make sure to keep replacing your negative thoughts over and over, whenever they rear their ugly heads.

When you have a negative thought, remember to use C.A.L.M

C — CATCH yourself

A — ASK yourself how you are feeling

L — LOOK at the thought

M — MAKE your thoughts better

That’s it. Four steps you can do in under a minute.

Remember that it’s perfectly normal for you to find yourself in the same negative thought avalanche more than once. The trick is to keep using CALM as often as you can and focus on making your thoughts better.

The beauty of it is that the more you use CALM, the more you’ll be rewiring your brain so that thinking positively, rationally and productively will become your automatic response to any situation.

Always remember — you control your thoughts, not the other way around.

Now you have the power to choose.