How to help your child develop delayed gratification

Michael Berkowitz
Jul 9
4 min read

Have you ever seen a pair of shoes and instantly said: “I must have them”?

Or have you had a bad day, gone home, opened a chocolate with the noble intention of having one or two pieces — only to finish the entire slab in a matter of minutes?

Of course you have.

Hell, we all have.We’re human.

And humans are hardwired for instant gratification.

I guarantee you’ve seen this need for instant gratification in your kids too. They’ll scream and shout and nag and cry.

They’ll make your life hell, just because “All the other kids have a [insert current child fad here]! I want it! I want it! I WANT IT!!!”

It seems like kids are the masters of instant gratification.

But really, instant gratification is their master.

And servitude comes at a cost.

I’m not just talking about the cost of those pricey shoes or the calories from the chocolate. There are deeper consequences here.

It’s a massive red flag if you find that your child is not capable of balancing his desires with a realistic or rational sense of timing and patience.

You aren’t doing your child any favours by giving in to his excessive need for instant gratification.

Ignoring or condoning it can have farther-reaching consequences later in his life, such as:

Developing a lack of impulse control, making him more susceptible to temptation and addiction
Growing up to be selfish, ill-disciplined and without a strong work ethic, which may make him unhealthy, flaky, insubordinate and unfulfilled in his career
A craving for constant stimulation that leads to distraction and reduced ability for deep thinking
Overwhelming anxiety or explosive rage when he doesn’t get what he wants
A sense of entitlement that makes him see the world as existing only for his benefit
An inability to cope with frustration, leading to demanding, impatient, disrespectful, and emotionally fragile behaviour

The problem with instant gratification is just that — everything needs to be instant.Unfortunately, the world doesn’t work like that. Things take time, and money needs to be saved in order to get what one wants.

Instead of being ruled by a need for instant gratification, children have to learn discipline, form a work ethic and develop...

The Cure — Delayed Gratification

Delayed gratification is the flip side of the coin from instant gratification. It’s about saving the best for last — for both short- and long-term goals.

For those prepared to delay gratification, the eventual reward is far more satisfying. Not only do they enjoy the anticipation while they wait or work for it, but when all the waiting pays off, the feeling of fulfillment is much higher.

Plus, being able to delay gratification has a direct impact on our success in all aspects of life — as evidenced in the Stanford Marshmallow Test.

Delayed gratification is a skill that can be developed.

Learning self-control and self-discipline will improve your child’s ability to deal with temptation, think before he acts, improve relationships, perform better at school — and be happier overall.

Remember, he’s still young and it’s never too late to form new behaviours. He needs your help to show him the right way. So below we’ve got some...

Ways you can help your child develop delayed gratification

Explain why it matters

This article should give you all the ammo you need. Another trick is to put on a judgemental cap and point out someone you both know who lets instant gratification run their life. Then ask if he wants to be like that when he grows up.

Allow small stressors

Children need small stressors to build coping skills. If your child gets everything he wants and is overprotected, you’re not preparing him for the real world. Let him experience disappointment and learn to manage his emotions in a safe, supportive environment.

Set and maintain consistent limits

Limits help build a healthy personality and self-discipline. For example, if you consistently limit chocolate to one or two pieces, your child learns moderation — a skill that will serve him well into adulthood.

Involve your child in making rules and consequences

This helps him feel responsible and teaches that rules aren’t arbitrary. It also gives you an opportunity to explain logic, fairness, and personal accountability.

Reward with activities, not things

When you do want to reward him, consider experiences over objects — like a trip to the park, a movie night, or an extra bedtime story. This helps prevent the habit of equating rewards with material stuff.

Create quality time

Slow down and spend time as a family — ideally without screens — whether that’s a walk outside or a shared project at home. Connection builds resilience.

Learn to say no

Instead of bargaining, promising, or negotiating — sometimes the best response is a clear, calm, “No, we’re not going to buy that today.” And then leave it at that.

Give a heads-up

Set expectations early. For example, before you even enter the store, say: “We’re only buying milk and bread today — no extras.” This reduces meltdowns and reinforces boundaries.

Be prepared to leave

If your child starts begging or pushing boundaries in the store, follow through. Say: “We talked about this, and you didn’t listen. Now there are consequences.” Then leave — even if it’s inconvenient. It sends a powerful message about consistency.

Write it down

If your child begs for something big, write it down. Tell him you’ll add it to a wishlist or revisit it in a week. Often, he’ll forget about it — and in the meantime, he feels heard and respected.

Talk about feelings

Help your child express emotions that come up when they’re disappointed. Talking about tough feelings builds emotional intelligence — and discussing positive ones boosts self-esteem.

Watch your own anger

Yelling when you’re frustrated teaches that shouting is a valid way to handle conflict. Keep your cool. Show your child that self-regulation matters — even when things are tough.

Model what you teach

Cut back on your own impulse purchases, screen-time binges, or frustration outbursts. Your actions speak louder than your lectures. Be the example.

Final Word

This piece was adapted from the Parent Guide in The Power of Gratitude — Captain Calm’s app for dealing with Instant Gratification.

Captain Calm is an app that uses the tools and techniques of Cognitive Behavioural Coaching (CBC) to help kids overcome their problems and unleash their full potential.